


just wanna be okay

by Toxic_Essence



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Cloak of Levitation (Marvel), Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Needs A Hug, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Stephen Strange, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker has PTSD, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stephen Strange Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Lives, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24487783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toxic_Essence/pseuds/Toxic_Essence
Summary: Tony seeks out Stephen at the Sanctum after a particularly bad day, only to find that his boyfriend hasn't been doing so well either.[Basically: they've both got issues and comfort each other]
Relationships: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Comments: 3
Kudos: 118





	just wanna be okay

**Author's Note:**

> Some gay angst to start off pride month  
> It's 4am and I dont even know what im doing

The doors to the Sanctum opened to him of their own accord, no humans or other-worldly beings required. Which, at that moment, was incredibly useful to Tony, who had neither the will nor energy required of him to lift his hand and knock, or make an attempt at pushing the doors open himself. 

Hell, had it not been for the suit, Tony wasn’t sure if he’d even have been able to make the trip from the Tower all the way to the Sanctum. His legs felt weak. His breaths were coming in quick and short. His mind, despite being filled to the brim with racing thoughts, felt emptier than the cold vacuum of space. 

Stumbled doesn’t quite describe the way Tony practically threw his limbs into the foyer of the ancient building, but it’ll have to do. Tony looked around the room, a distant part of his brain reminding him that his lover’s room was at the top of the stairs, but other than that not truly registering his surroundings. Luckily, the Sanctum was just as attuned to Tony’s wants as it was the Sorcerer Supreme’s, and one step forward deposited Tony in a foreign room - one that was dark and mustier than was typical of the odd building.

That didn’t matter, however. What did matter was the sorcerer clad in blue robes and his signature cloak, sat on the floor of the room staring up at a dark floating orb. 

“Stephen,” Tony rasped, nearly falling flat on his face as he made his way over to his boyfriend. Tony wasn’t quite sure what he expected to happen, his brain still not fully registering his environment except for Stephen, but to sit down only to be confronted by a blank expression resting on his lover’s face wasn’t it at all. “Stephen?”

Stephen remained quiet, his eyes distant and unseeing as they stared in the general direction of the floating orb above them. Tony could hear his soft breaths, slow and shuddering as if he was unconsciously keeping himself from crying. Up close, Tony vaguely noted that Stephen was shaking - not just his hands, but his whole body, as if he had been dumped in some cold, barren wasteland in nothing but his skivvies. 

Mind focused a bit more, Tony was officially concerned. “Stephen, love, you alright?” He put a hand on the other’s shoulder, and upon getting no reaction, he shook him a little. “Steph, hey, come back to me.”

Stephen’s breath hitched, but it took a few more minutes before his eyes became focused once again. “Tony?” he whispered, his voice quiet as his mind adjusted to his surroundings.

“Right here, Steph, I’ve got you. You're okay.”

* * *

“What were you thinking about?” Tony asked quietly, breaking the silence that had settled between them in the minutes it took Stephen to come back to himself, Tony doing his best to ground him by lightly draping an arm around his middle. 

There was no answer for a while, and Tony was about to assume that his boyfriend had fallen asleep before a quiet voice answered, “Soul.”

“Soul?” Tony inquired, not quite understanding what Stephen had meant by it.

Stephen nodded slightly against him. “The soul stone.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t have to, you know, talk about it if you don’t want to. But I’ll listen if you do.”

The silence settled once again and stretched as Stephen laid his head on Tony’s shoulder, simply soaking in the presence of the older man while gathering his thoughts enough to form a coherent sentence. 

“I thought I was ready for it, you know,” Stephen mumbled out at last. Tony hummed in acknowledgement, choosing to sit back and let his boyfriend speak. “I don’t think any amount of study could’ve prepared me for it, though. I thought I’d die and just… exist for a bit. Maybe alone, maybe with the others who died as well. But when I got there… She was waiting for me, Tony.”

When it became clear that Stephen wasn't going to elaborate any further on his own, Tony gently asked him, “Who, love?”

Tony felt a tear land on his hand. “Donna.” 

Tony’s grip tightened ever so slightly around his boyfriend’s waist.

“There was this open… lake sort of place? There was a tree, the same one from the lake back home. And she… She was standing under it, just waiting for me.” Stephen moved to look up at Tony, the latter looking down at the man in his arms only to find blue eyes filled with complete devastation. “We talked. For a long, long time. I completely lost myself there, Tony. I just… gave up. I knew I was supposed to be trying - trying to help, trying to get back, trying to do something, _anything_ , but she was there and I just… let go.

“I forgot that I was dead. I forgot about where I was, about Thanos, about _you-_ ” Stephen choked on a sob, tears now freely falling from his eyes. Tony felt unshed tears building up in his own. “I forgot about it all. I was so happy. When you guys brought us back, I felt it before it happened. I could feel myself being pushed out of the stone, and it all came back, and I wasn’t ready, I- I didn’t- I didn’t want to go, Tony, I just-”

“Hey, shh, it’s okay, just let it out, Steph, you’re gonna be okay,” Tony told him, rubbing small circles into Stephen’s back as he pulled the younger man close. “It’s okay. I don’t blame you.”

“I should’ve remembered. I don’t know how I could have- how I could’ve ever forgotten you,” Stephen said, burying his head in Tony’s chest and trying to match his breaths. “I just… I just wanted more time with her. It’s selfish, I know."

“No, no, no, not at all, Stephen. It’s not selfish _at all_ to want more time with someone you’ve lost. Not at all.”

"...I miss her."

"I know, love, I know. And that's okay."

Stephen didn’t respond, instead focusing on Tony’s breathing and trying to match his own to it. They stayed like that for a while longer, before Tony convinced him of just how uncomfortable the floor was and they relocated to Stephen’s bedroom. The cloak draped itself over a chair in the corner of the room as Tony helped Stephen undress, carefully undoing every belt and pulling off his robes before taking off his shoes, leaving the man in nothing but some loose-fitting trousers. He then stripped to his boxers and slid into bed beside his boyfriend, pulling the covers over the both of them. Stephen rested his head on Tony’s chest as Tony held onto him, arms wrapped around him protectively.

“What did you want to talk about?” Stephen whispered just as Tony was about to fall asleep. 

“Hm?”

“You came here for a reason. I wasn't expecting you today. I just didn’t think to ask before now. Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. Just go to sleep, Steph.” Tony moved his hand so that he could play with Stephen’s hair, knowing it was one of the few things that really helped the man sleep.

“It seemed like something was really bothering you, though.”

Tony sighed. He should’ve known better. Once Stephen was fixated on something, he wouldn’t let it go. Much like Tony himself. 

“I went to visit the kid earlier today.” Tony offered.

“Oh, good. How’d it go?” Tony’s hand stilled ever so slightly in Stephen’s hair, the memories from earlier coming back to play in his mind.

“He… He’s not well, Stephen. He acts like it, but every little thing seems to startle him somehow. If his spidey senses were dialled to 11 before, they’re up to 100 now.” Tony took a few deep breaths before continuing, pulling Stephen a bit closer to himself. “He tries to act happy, pretends that everything’s okay, but when we were talking, he just… he zoned out. Stared at a wall for a good five minutes. I didn’t know what to do, Stephen, so I tried calling out to him, tried getting his attention, and he spooked really bad. Started… started crying about how he- how he didn’t want to die.”

“Tony-”

“No. No fucking 16-year-old should be yelling about they _don’t want to fucking die_ , Stephen.” Tony closed his eyes, and the image of Peter falling to the floor holding himself and sobbing because it felt like every breeze would kill him, would take the ashes of his body in its mercy and fly away with them, filled his mind. 

_Mr Stark! Mr Stark, please, I can’t- I don’t want to go, please, please don’t let me go-_

Tony felt a hand on his face, gently wiping away the tears that had begun to fall. He leaned into the touch, appreciating how it grounded him. “It’s my fault. It’s all my fault, you know. If I had just never recruited him in the first place, I mean, he’s just a kid! He’s 16 and he’s _died_ for _fuck’s sake_ -”

“Tony, look at me, come on,” Stephen urged, moving Tony’s head so he could look him in the eyes. “Listen to me, now. None, and I repeat, none of this was your fault. Peter was already Spiderman before you met him. There’s no way to know how things would’ve turned out had you not recruited him. What’s happened has happened, Tony, but none of it was your fault. Don’t believe that for even a second, because I don’t.”

“He’s just so young, he shouldn’t have to deal with all these things. He should be worrying about homework and girls.”

“Yes, but sadly, he is dealing with it. The best you can do now is be there for him.”

“You always know what to say,” Tony laughed quietly.

“It’d be sad if I didn’t, seeing as we’ve been together for how long, now?”

“Oh, little over three magnificent years or so?”

“Ah yes, three painstaking years, and the years of dancing around each other like dumb teenagers before that.”

They joked a bit more with each other after that, Stephen settling in closer to Tony, positioning his head so he could hear Tony’s heartbeat.

“I love you,” Tony whispered.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Pride Month Everyone!


End file.
